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Please start from the beginning of the blog.  It allows you catch up and get a better understanding of myself any My LIFE.  THEBAUMBAUM.COM is here world.

Living The Crippled Life

I went Coachella for the weekend and man was it fun.  Shooting Laser Beams out of your eyes for 8 hours straight is extremely exuasting. As the day wore on and my feet began weary, I spotted a handicapped person , and I thought to myself damn… I wish I had a wheel chair right now.  Not only was he sitting in a roped off section away from the drunk assholes but he also was near the front of the concert, he had the best seats in the house.  Since I was tired I made an attempt to sit down in the handicapped section but was not allowed.  Then I got to thinking, which is really never a good thing.  Why are handicapped people treated better then abled bodied  people.  This is clear example of reverse discrimonation against abled body people.  What makes a person who is handicapped more deserving of the best seats at Coachella then me….Nothing.  And it doesn’ just happen there, it happens everywhere.  For example, if you have a wheelchair you get to cut all the lines at Disneyland. What the Fuck? Having a wheelchair doesn’t impede your ablitiy to wait in line like everyone else.  In fact, it probably more comftable for people with a wheel chair because they get to sit down.  It painful  trying to sit on the railings, that divide the lines.  Imagine standing in line for hours in the sun and watching some guy with a broken leg in a wheel chair passing you line.  I don’t know about you but that would really piss me off, and I might even say something.    I realized that there is nothing I can do about this injustice that able bodied people face on a daily basis, and most people probably think I am an asshole for even raising this issue.  So I have adopted to mentality of “If you can”t beat them you might as well join them”, and have decided to steal a wheel chair from my dads office and use when ever I go out in public.  Imagine getting your own giant row as the rosebowl next year when the Trojans when the national championships….. You can”t!!!.... But I will and every other person in wheel chair at the rosebowl will.  I bet you people will be a lot nicer to me to.  Think about people run into you all the time and never say sorry.  But have you not said sorry to someone in a wheel chair? Nope, you always have.  It is a fact that people are more considerate to people in wheel chairs.  This last post can be summed up with a famous quote from 2 pac,  “picture me rollin”……. On a wheel chair.

 

P.S. God is probably going to punish me for this by maiming my first born……….

I’M Sad To Say, My Blogging Day’s are over…

I came home from work today and man was my mom pissed…I’m talking about the Bill O’Reilly Pissed. I mean usually I stroll through the front door and almost like clockwork ask “ Ma where’s the meatloaf???” and her automatic response is, “right here honey”, but not today. Today she turned bright red with rage and begin nagging at me for the next few hours about when was I going to move out, and grow up. I’m 24 years old and still have the capacity of being grounded by my parents. God I hate my life!! Anyway, I was like, “what the Fuck is your problem?” And wouldn’t you know, one of my greatest in life happened, she found out about the blog. I don’t know how she found out, but somehow she stumble upon my Blog and was not amused. In fact she was “Fucking Pissed”, verbatim, and my mom does not say fucking or pissed often, let alone in the same sentence. She was disgusted in the fact that I would denigrate my family name in such a negative light especially for the entire world to see just to get a quick laugh. In particular she was pissed that I resented my Canadian heritage, something she is very proud ta boot…eh. She gave me the ultimatum: either I stop the blog, MY blog, the blog that I have so proudly called my own, the one I sit down to every night in order to reach out to YOU, my loyal followers, and write about the things that go on in my head and my life in hopes to make your day a little better OR…I find somewhere else to live.

So, as depressed 24 year old, I regret to inform you that I have succumbed to the power of my mom and have regrettably decided to end BenBaumgartenIsBetterThanYou.com right here, right now. GOD DAMN YOU MOM! Anyhow, as my eyes start to tear up, this will be my last and final post until I find somewhere else to live….. or if any one of my devoted bloggees can offer couch to crash on.... this will be the last you will hear from me. It was a good ride, but like they say all good things must come to an end, and our end is here my friends. I used the word “our” because it wasn’t just my blog, it was everyone’s blog. I’m just so upset that I have to stop the one thing I’m half way decent at; the one thing that truly brings me joy and excites me to get out of bed in the morning and the one and only thing I can honestly say I’m committed to.

I will leave you with this: if you find something you’re good at, something that really turns you on (no sexual pun intended you perverts) stick with it!! Stick with it as long as you can despite what your mom tells you… unless you fall under the miniscule percentile of 24 year olds in this country that still live at home like myself. God I’m Pussy. Semper Fi. I’m sorry to all of those who became steadfast followers of my blog. If there is anything remember from my blog? Its this: BenBaumgarternIsSTILLBetterThanPiaArrobio.com!!!

You’re fucking out!! I’m fucking in!!

Thank You

I would like to thank the followers of my blog. Seriously I owe you big time. This is longest I have ever committed to anything in my whole life, except college where I spent a good 6 years of my life. Now that’s what I call commitment. But seriously thanks for the encouragement and support. Keep reading this shit even if you think it’s stupid. Like I have said, I have never been so passionate about something before and it’s because of all the positive feedback I get. I get real satisfaction in knowing that people are actually reading this shit whether they like it or not. If you have any ideas that you want me to blog about, I am open to just about anything because with out you guys Ben Baumgarten Would Not Be Better Then You. But I am Better Then You and don’t you ever forget that.

Economic Slavery

Voting should not be a God-given right, but a privilege that is earned. That is why I think we should impose the 3/5 law on people that make less than $20,000 a year. Think about it, people, who make less than $20,000 dollars a year, are nothing but a burden on society. They don’t really pay taxes; I mean the government might take a small amount of money out of their paycheck monthly, but they get it all back at the end of the year. They usually don’t have health care and depend on Medicare and Medical, all at the expense of the American taxpayer. To think economic expansion starts from the bottom-up is an absolutely ridiculous thought. Has a poor person ever given you job? You can think about this as much as you want, but the answer is “NO!” Economic Expansion happens when a person with money comes up with an idea and starts a company, which in turn, employs people. What a crazy idea? I am a firm believer in Democracy; however, a wise person once said, “Democracy will fail when the people learn they can vote themselves money.”, and that is exactly what has happened. I’m sure that the tax break that President Obama proposes for 95% of the American public will make a big difference. How does giving an extra 300 dollars to poor people help stimulate the economy? It’s not like people, who make $20,000 dollars a year, invest the economy, the only thing they invest in is Double Cheeseburgers from the McDonalds dollar menu. People might read this and think I am horrible person, but why is it ok in today’s society to vilify the rich and not the poor? Just because they have pursued the American Dream and have capitalized on Capitalism, God Forbid you make money! I am not a hypocrite; I practice what I preach. There is a reason why I don’t vote, and it’s because I haven’t earned the right either. Plus, I live in California, and my vote wouldn’t make a difference anyway.

When I’m Rocking My Flannel, Don’t Be Jocking My Flannel

Smiley next time you wear a flannel the same time as me, I am going to fight you. Enough is enough. I am sick and tired of people making comments about us both wearing flannels at the same time. It gets old. There can only be one flannel guy per crew, it’s a law, just look it up in Obama’s 3.2 trillion dollar budget. As you know we have already decided that I am the only one that can wear flannels. Not to mention you don’t even wear real flannels…. You wear cotton button ups with flannel print. What is this amateur hour? What a Bush League, 7th grade, WNBA, Bullshit thing to do…..fake flannels. Give me a break….. So when I am out in Hollywood Hot Spots such as “My House” on Friday and “Teddy’s” on Sundays not Saturdays because I don’t arrive before 12 …. I don’t want to see you in flannel. Plus now that I am I famous blogger I don’t want paparazzi snapping pictures of me and having you wearing the same fucking thing as me. And if I do see you in the flannel, I will warn you only once before I call up my Associate from down South Jordy Yayo. And you know how he gets down. 29Konnect Gang Mutha Fucka. Fuck 30th St!!!!!! That also goes to Mike Condon and Kevin Knutson.

Damage Control Damage Control

That blog was my worst blog to date but i am not sorry about it. I got a number of calls from followers telling me how gay my last blog was and that they were gonna stop reading because of that. So i would like to take this time to address the concerns expressed by my viewers:

1. In no way was the last blog about me

2. In no way was the last blog about me

3. Yes that blog was little gay. That is, if helping out a dear friend is gay. I deserve a medal of honor for that shit.

4. There will be no more blogs about that kind of shit.

5.Yes I think crossing the US/Mexico border with out proper documentation should be punishable by death.

6. My next blog is gonna be so fucking good i am gonna win a fucking Pulitzer Prize for that shit.

Pia You Fought The War: And Guess? What You Blew it!

I initially started this blog as a blog war versus Pia Arrobio, editor and creator of PiaArrobio.com, and the verdict is in-- the war is over. I’m in; you’re out. My blog is awesome, and your blog sucks. My Blog is R Kelly your Blog is a 14 year old girl. My Blog is Bruce Willis and Your blog is the meteor in Armegeddon. I thought maybe I would inspire you to put content on your blog with some substance, thought, and creativity…… but you didn’t and I am very disappointed. It was never even a war; it was genocide. I destroyed your blog. However, I’m not content with this victory, because it wasn’t earned. Anyone with half a brain could create a blog better than yours. I bet if you gave a computer to a 5 year old with autism, he or she could come up with a blog better than yours. Have people ever asked you to post more………I’m guessing not. What a weird concept? People actually enjoy reading mine. I’m not making this up; there are actually some people who enjoy reading my blog. I even had celebrity endorsements, such a mega superstar, Paris Hilton, who was quoted saying, “BenBaumgartenisbetterthenyou.blogspot.com is ‘hot’ and PiaArobio.com com is not”. I also have the endorsement of cable star, Doug Reinhardt. Both he and Paris have told me that they are going to put my blog on their myspace page for the world to see. I don’t which part is worse: the pics or the crap you write. I guess if you were blogging to bore the world with your life in NYC, you won, but I don’t think that is the case. Pia, I like you as a person and this is not a personal attack. It’s just an attack on your blog about your personal life….does that make it personal? Hahaha. But seriously, while I cruise with the likes of Paris Hilton, you can keep blogging to your worthless hipster friends that wouldn’t know quality or substance if it kicked them in the back of their ass. One more thing: If Pia has ever blogged about you or put a pic of you up on her website, I’m sorry. It’s not like anyone saw and the people that did probably need to take a shower. I won. BooooooYaaaaaaaaa! Furthermore I think you owe me a thank you because your blog will probably triple in hits after this post.

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Top 10

Since my post, “Secrets to Happiness,” I have received hundreds of email from fans on the east coast (such as from NYC), who still have not been able to achieve happiness, since they are forced to take the subway and bus to work. I don’t feel your pain-- sorry. If you’re on the west coast and still take mass transit, I would like to thank you. However, I can’t discriminate against or exclude an entire group of my fan base from the secret of happiness since they are forced to take the subway. So, I got to thinking and decided to come up with a “Top 10: Secrets to Happiness that cost under 20 dollars”. After all, everyone should be happy and at affordable price. Especially since poor people are usually the most unhappy. So here it goes.
“Top 10: Secrets to Happiness under 20 Dollars”
1. Skinny Mirrors. Find somebody that owns a skinny mirror and just look at yourself. I, for one, deal with my weight on a daily basis, and nothing makes me feel better than when I look in a mirror and appear 10 pounds lighter. It might give you a false sense of confidence; however, it’s still a sense of confidence. Too bad they don’t make good looking mirrors for ugly people. Until that happens, wear a lot of make up.

2. McDonalds: Despite what people say about McDonalds, whether its unhealthy or fattening, there is one thing that is undeniable, and that is that it is the best tasting food under 20 bucks in the world. So when you’re feeling bad, go cram down a Big Mac or two. Eat Mcnuggets till you explode. After you explode, I guarantee you will feel better. But people say, “That’s a short term mood changer” and “I will ultimately get fat, which will worsen my mood”. This is all true and that is why we have “Skinny Mirrors”.

3. Drugs: What? Yeah do some and then tell me how you feel. I bet you feel better and most “fixes” are under 20 bucks. Don’t take my word for it. Look, all you have to do is look at a bum. They seem like the happiest people in world always laughing and giggling.

4. Talking Shit: As mean as this sounds, it works. I always feel better when I make fun of or talk shit about someone. After all, we do it to make us feel better about ourselves. So once a week, get a group of your friends to throw a “Shit Talking Party” where all you do is talk shit about people you don’t like or even people who you do like, I don’t care. It is the act of putting down others which makes you feel good.

5. Show an Act of Kindness: Help somebody out when they need it. Not because it’s the right thing to do, but because it makes you feel better. Now, I have never really helped anybody out in my life; however, I think about it sometimes and the thought alone makes me feel better.

6. Pleasure Yourself Or Someone Else: I don’t need to go into detail about that, but it is usually free and feels good.

7. Destroy Something: Take something that you don’t need like a plate and throw it on the ground and watch it break. I don’t know why but it makes you feel better. And if you want to feel even better, break someone else’s shit and you feel twice as good because you got to break something and that person is now worse off than before. It’s like a double whammy.

8. Break the Law: Rules are made to be broken and there is nothing more fun then breaking them. I break the law all the time, and every time I do it, I feel better. You don’t even have to break the law, you can break a rule that someone forced upon you. For example, my mom makes me wear underwear, but when I sneak out without it on, I feel better. It’s more comfortable true, but I think I get the real joy in disobeying my mom. Whatever rule you have wanted to break: my advice is to break it.

9. The Movie Amistad: At least you’re not a slave…….

10. BenBaumgartenisbetterthenyou.bogspot.com- If the previous 9 things don’t make you happy, fuck you, I tried. But seriously just read my blog, and whether you like it or not or agree or disagree with what I am saying, it gets you thinking, and thinking is the real key to happiness.

Weekend Update:

Japan played South Korea in the World Baseball Championships Monday. This game set a record in attendance being the most attended WBC event in history. It also set another record….. Most car accidents in a parking lot…….. get it?

Dont Tell My Mom

If anyone tells my mom about this blog i gonna punch you in the face.....even if your a girl!

A Day In The Life Of Ben Baumgarten

7:15 AM: My Mom wakes me up

7:20 AM: I stumble out of Bed and take a shower, I can’t get up right away because I sleep naked

8:00 AM: I hop in my car and drive down to Newport. On the way to work I think about how much my life sucks and try to figure where I went wrong. I usually drive by a bus stop and I feel a little better after that.

8:45 AM: I pop two addy’s and drink a large cup of black coffee in order to appear some what competent when I enter the office. Without my smart pills I don’t know what I would do.

9:15 AM: I walk in the office ready to work…..hahahah.. who am I kidding I’m never really ready to work.

9:15 AM -530 PM: I’m in office. I probably work about 25% of day. The rest of the time I spend in deep thought thinking about important things. Such as: why in the world was there a piece of poop in the ashtray at taco bell across the street where I eat? I also read the bible “The Wall Street Journal” which usually pisses me off reinforcing my Hatred for President Osama. I also spend a lot time on Facebook force feeding my blog down people’s throats. And I usually spend about an hour out of every work day resenting my mother for being Canadian, she just doesn’t understand why it sucks to be Canadian.

5:30Pm: I am done with work , wooohooo!!!! If I am feeling up to it, I go to the gym but that happens once in a blue moon. I have never seen a blue moon before…. Have you?

6:30 PM: I drive back to Pasadena, god life sucks…… I drive by a bus stop on the way home.

7:30PM: I eat what my mom calls dinner, but its not. She doesn’t work and she doesn’t cook what the hell does she do? Where the hell is bus stop when you need one? And why does she have to be Canadian seriously…. I am already Half Jewish. Now I get made fun of twice as much.

8:00 PM-11:00 PM: I spend most of my time in the “NPAZ”, the no parents allowed zone. That’s the room that is connected to my garage where my parents are not allowed to go and if they need to talk to me they signal me by flash light. The NPAZ is the only that keeps me from jumping off a bridge. Then I smoke till I pass out. God is my life exciting…..

How Dare You Question My Blogs Authenticity!

I’m not going to name names, but a certain person, named Angela Ferrante, confronted me today saying that I don’t write my own posts. I would like to clear this up by saying, “That’s bullshit”. However I do have someone that edits my post, but what great writer doesn’t? You don’t think Pia Arrobio has an editor? Well, obviously not, but I do. It is true that without my editor, all you would read is jumbled paragraphs with misspelled words and fragmented sentences. I’m an idea guy, and I leave the real work to someone much smarter than I. And for that, I am forever grateful. However, back to the point, how do you know I write my blogs? Easy, only I would know that Angela Ferrente ate 22 dollars of McDonalds in one sitting, and when she was finished she couldn’t fit in my car when I was driving a Dodge Durango at the time. True story-- just ask her. Just because I have the grammar skills of 5th grader and reading level of an illegal immigrant at best, that doesn’t mean I don’t have the mind of a great scholar. I have often been compared to the likes of great people such as Bill Gates, the CEO of Enron, and Oprah. Ok maybe not Bill Gates but definitely Oprah. Boston Sucks but I still love ya.

Change Your Day with One Simple Drive By

I found the secret to happiness, and it doesn’t cost a nickel. Do you ever wake up bummed about life for no reason? Don’t Worry!! I have the secret to happiness!! It’s an automatic mood changer. Trust me, it works! Or at least it worked for me this morning. I woke up pissed off, because all I wanted to do was sleep in but couldn’t. From the shower to my car, I was pissed. Then something magical happened; something magical that changed my mood and my view on life forever…. Curious? I bet you are. Normally, I don’t divulge these types of secrets; however, since you’re a loyal follower of my blog, I’m going to share my secret to happiness with you today. Two words: Public Transportation! What? Yeah, that’s right, Public Transportation! As I was driving to work, I drove by a “BUS STOP,” and I saw the look on the faces of the people waiting for the bus and thought to myself, “At least that isn’t me” and automatically I felt better. The look of pain on their depression ridden faces waiting for the bus got me thinking, “Life could be worse.” At least I don’t have to take the bus to work. You think I’m kidding, well I am not. I then drove around the block to make sure that was the reason for my mood change, and I checked out the bus stop again; wouldn’t you know it, I felt even better! Think how much it would suck to have to take the bus to work. Sitting next to complete strangers, probably named Hector, listening to screaming babies, all the while your thinking about how you’re going to get through another shitty day. At least in a car you have your own personal space, where you can bump rap music you know the lyrics to, singing along pretending to be black for that 45 minute commute. This is something I will cherish and never take for granted again. So if your boss yells at you, take a 5 minute ride and drive by a bus stop. If you wake up in the morning at your parents’ house at the age of 24, drive a by a Bus Stop. When a certain person, named Matt Anderson, is wearing a flannel at the same time as you, take 15 minutes and drive by a Bus Stop. Just look at the people waiting in line. But don’t get too close, they might bite. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get rabies. I am not saying people that take the bus are bad. I’m just saying that I am better than anyone taking the bus. If you are offended by what I am saying, you are too poor to read my blog, and my advice to you is save some money, buy a 1988 civic save 2 bucks for a gallon of gas, and drive by the BUS STOP.

Congratulations to USC AND DUKE for winning their respected tournaments

TOP 10

Top 10: Things that i would like to shoot with a BB Fun.  I don't want to Kill anyone just leave them with a bruise or some kind of welt.

1. My Older Sister

2. PiaArobia.Com

3. The Entire UNC Basketball Team

4. The Entire Celtics Franchise

5. Tony Stewart 

6. Montana's Rockin Tits.  I have nothing against Montana , I just want to see how her Rockin Tits would hold up against a BB gun shot.  Every girl should be Jealous of Montana because it is an Unanimous Decision that she has the most rockin tits ever.

7. Most Hipster/Matt Anderson

8. My Australian Sheppard Mickey

9. Gabe- The Cocaine Cowboy.  I would want to shoot him more than once probably like 80 times. 

10. Mystery Girl- I will pay 100 dollars to who ever can guess who she is!!!!

Im Paris Hiltons Real BFF

Paris Smoking A Cigi at her birthday

Me and Paris Hanging out on the Couch at her Birthday

Me, Paris, and Matt Anderson hanging out with a bunch

of Swedish People at her birtday

Become Follower

If you enjoy what you read will you become a follower of my blog? The only reason I ask you to do this is because I want to show Pia, Creator of piaarrobio.com that my blog is way better than her blog. After all that was my original inspiration to start this blog. Become a follower.

Thank You

Ben of the Future

24 or 4? I don’t really know at times…

Enough is enough! Mom I love your meatloaf and the lunch money you give me every day, but the Underwear Checks have got to go. I repeat, the Under Checks have to go. What is an underwear check? Every day before I leave for work, my mom stands at the front door and checks to see if I am wearing underwear to work. This is not a lie; my mom checks to see if I have underwear on. If I don’t, she sends me back upstairs to go put on underwear. If I refuse, she threatens, “Fine! No lunch money for you!” or “I’m going to stop paying for your health insurance,” and eventually I cave and march up the stair with my tail between my legs and put on a pair of boxers. What’s worse is that my underwear checks have gone digital. I didn’t spend the night at home last night, and I woke up to an under check via text message this morning. My mom has gone digital. Why do I have to wear underwear to work? Last time I checked, I still wear pants, which covers my bottom half. Pun Intended! In conclusion, I don’t know what’s worse the fact that I still get lunch money or the fact that my mom “bullies” me into wearing underwear. Till next time.


P.S. I’m not wearing underwear today

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123604419092515347.html

Christi Hein, Jason Vitteri-Lewis, Eric Shawn Carnes, and Amy Whipp Krueger SHUT The FUCK UP!!!!! Seriously Shut The Fuck up!

The people above are the creators and administers of the Facebook group, “Support Ann Marie Boskovich for the Next American Idol”. This is in no way an attack against Ann Marie herself; in fact, I actually think she has tremendous talent and should pursue her dreams. However, she got voted off of American Idol and will have to take the road that most musicians take…. instead of getting a career handed to her. Which leads me to this: Will the above people stop flooding my mail box with fucking updates to support Ann Marie on American Idol when she is no longer on the fucking show? She has been off the show for like 3 weeks! Why are you still sending me shit? I can no longer support her on America Idol, because she is not on it. Change the fucking name at least, something like “Support Ann Marie trying to be in the music industry”. Better yet maybe you should start a group called “Support Ben Baumgarten at Asset Management Servicing LLC”. Do you people not have a life? I joined the group in support, although, I have only met her a couple of times. She probably doesn’t even know me, but I joined the group because of mutual friends and everyone was doing it so I had to do it too. I didn’t want people at USC thinking I didn’t support someone I didn’t really know. You people above are making me regret this decision. And if I receive 1 more update about supporting Ann Marie being on American Idol, even though she is not on the show anymore, I going to fucking lose my mind and fly to Indianapolis and Kick “Eric Shawn Carnes” ASS!

First Blog and Mabye My Last..... Im Lazy

Before I start this blog I would like to make clear only 50% of what I say, I actually mean. So if you are really bored and actually read my blog, you need to get a job …. However I would like to reiterate I only mean 50 % of what I say. It’s up to you to decide which 50% I’m serious about. First I would like to thank Pia for giving me the inspiration to start this blog. Your blog is terrible, like I give a shit what happens in your life and the lives of your dirty hipster friends! Anyone who spends more than 15 minutes a year on your blog is of questionable intelligence and should be put out of their own misery….. That being said, I spent 4 hours on it! I deserve a firing squad! Plain and Simple I challenge you to a blog off! If my blog is a little less shitty then yours, I will consider it a victory. I plan to voice my opinion on a number of pressing issues that we as young adults face on daily basis like the economy, healthcare, unemployment and African Americans with the last name of “Brown” or “Black”. Till next time.